Status: Alert. Tail: Wagging.

On-premise security,
powered by barking.

AlmaProtect deploys a very good dog at your perimeter, fuses her barks with AI threat classification, and alerts your team faster than a doorbell at 3am.

Deploy a dog How it works

99.4%: Bark accuracy
3.2s: Avg. response
0: Squirrels missed

Alma, a golden retriever in a security vest, on duty at the front door

LIVE · Front Door · Unit A-01

Alert: Suspicious Mailman

Bark intensity 87%. Tail position: stiff. Dispatching woof.

Tail-wag verified

2 zones clear

Golden retriever on the porch at dusk, watching the street

LIVE · Porch · Unit B-04

Alert golden retriever peeking over a backyard fence at night

LIVE · Backyard · Unit C-12

Trusted by fictional facilities everywhere

Brightwood Retail
Vantegra Data Centers
Harborview Health
Keystone Financial
Beacon Manufacturing
Cascade Cloud

The platform

Everything a security team needs.
Plus a dog.

AlmaProtect combines AI computer-vision detection, perimeter sensors, access control, and the unmatched intuition of a 28-pound furry employee.

👃

Constant Threat Sniffing

Our perimeter sensors run 24/7 nose-on inference, detecting raccoons, rogue Roombas, and the occasional in-law.

🔊

AI Bark Classification

Every woof is scored across 14 dimensions: pitch, urgency, treats-required, and existential dread.

📣

Real-Time Alerting

Push, SMS, email, and one (1) physical paw on your face. You'll know when something is up.

📹

Computer-Vision Cameras

Bring your own cameras. We overlay tail-wag heatmaps and intruder confidence scores in real time.

🛰️

24/7 Monitoring Center

Staffed by trained operators and at least one dog who has read every incident report since 2019.

🚨

Guard Dispatch

On verified threats, we dispatch a responder, a backup dog, and a treat (for the dog, not the intruder).

Golden retriever on duty, watching the street from a living room window

Why bark

Fewer false alarms.
Far more good boys.

Traditional sensors get confused by curtains, cats, and Tuesday. Our bark-fusion model knows the difference between "delivery" and "definitely a stranger".

97% reduction
in false alarms vs. the leading motion sensor (and one specific Roomba).
3.2 second
average human-and-canine response time across our monitoring centers.
100% tail-wag verified
alerts. If the dog doesn't believe it, neither do we.

The pack

Meet the team protecting your premises.

Every AlmaProtect deployment is led by a certified dog and a human who reports to them.

Mochi

X ↗

Head of Perimeter, Pomsky Division

Pomsky. Fluffy exterior, ruthless threat model. Detected 412 suspicious leaves in Q2 alone.

@mochipomsky

Human reports to Mochi

Founder & Chief Barking Officer

Started AlmaProtect from her dog bed. Has never missed a delivery, intruder, or snack.

@almooski

Human reports to Alma

Director of Coastal Reconnaissance

Operates out of Makalei Beach. Specializes in hammock surveillance and long-distance horizon scans.

@bodhifrompointbreak

Human reports to Bodhi

Tracy ↗

O'ahu, Hawai'i

Jesse

Senior Analyst, Threat Intelligence

Quietly the smartest dog in the building. Reads the room before the room knows there is a room.

@jesse

Human reports to Jesse

Lead Engineer, Bark Infrastructure

Keeps the bark pipeline humming. Living her best life between deploys in Los Angeles.

VP, Soft-Target Assessment

Small dog, big opinions. Greets every visitor with rigorous sniff-based vetting and a tail-wag confidence score.

Fern Mandelbaum

Human reports to Jasper

Fern ↗

Bay Area

In training

Class of '26

Drako

Instagram ↗

Trainee — Night Shift & Coffee Liaison

Sees in the dark. Currently mastering incident report formatting and the espresso machine.

@coffeemeetsdrako

Retired

Pawed the way

Bowser

Founding Officer (Retired)

Started it all in 2015. Forever in our hearts.

@bowserous

How AlmaProtect runs its fictitious go-to-market on Upside.

Our dogs sniff out intruders. Upside sniffs out signal in our go-to-market data — connecting Salesforce, Gong, HubSpot, and the rest of our stack, then turning a prompt into an interactive mini-app with our own numbers. Here are the apps the AlmaProtect team actually uses.

Visit upside.tech ↗

Sales↗

Send Time Optimizer

Heatmap of the day-and-hour windows where outbound earns the most replies, with significance testing and a what-if reply-lift calculator.

HeatmapEmailSignificance

Attribution↗

AEO Influence Analysis

How ChatGPT, Perplexity, Gemini, and Claude influence pipeline — win-rate lift, share of voice, sentiment, and AI-influenced deals.

AEOLLMsWin-Rate Lift

Attribution↗

Channel Analysis

Which channels influenced closed-won deals across awareness, activation, and close — with a deal-by-channel matrix and recommendations.